Secrets

So there's a secret that I've been keeping for a long time now.  It's not a secret to my family and most of my friends already know this about me, but it's not been "out there" for public consumption before now.  Is your curiosity peaked?  Okay... here goes...

I have MS (multiple sclerosis).

I was diagnosed over 10 years ago and I have been in a daily battle with it since then. There are days that I almost feel normal and can continue on with my day as if it doesn't exist.  Then there are times like the past few weeks where it's so big and ugly that it cannot be ignored or forgotten and the battle is raging full force.

I always hesitate and even avoid telling people I carry around this disease because I loathe the look of pity on someone's face.  There's not much worse than feeling pitiful.  So please understand that I'm not spilling my guts here to get pity or sympathy.  "So what's your point in telling people now, Misty?"  Yeah, I asked myself that before I started typing this.  It's a good question.  It's a legitimate question.

In the "addiction/recovery" field, there is a saying that is "You are only as sick as your secrets."  I've thought a lot about that saying in the last few months.  For the most part, it's true.  Secrets can eat at you and cause you to hide things, lie and feel shame and guilt.  Does that mean that EVERYTHING should be placed on the table for public scrutiny??  No way.  Believe me, there are certain things that we, the public, appreciate not knowing!  =)   But there are certain things that are pretty stupid to keep secret.  And it's exhausting!  =)

I was awake at 2:30 this morning because I'm fighting some kind of sinus/cold/head issue and it was coupled with my normal aches and pains and burning sensation and knotted muscles.  (Summer is the absolute WORST time of year for me.  Heat is my enemy!)  I felt  horrible!  I got out of bed, came downstairs and took some medicine and got on my laptop.  Then I did something I have never done before.  I got on facebook, went through my friends list, and prayed for each one of my friends.  A lot of them have issues of life going on and I felt like it was a good time to lift them up and get my focus off of me for a while.  For some of them, I didn't know what to pray, so I just prayed general "blessing" prayers for them.  I wished I knew more specifically what they needed from the Lord.  Then it dawned on me... I'll bet a lot of my friends who know how to pray have no clue what kind of prayers I need!  By keeping this disease a "secret", I've cheated my friends as well as myself out of a blessing!  And that makes me a fool.

So, my awesome friends, if you ever wake in the middle of the night and start praying for your friends and you come to me on your list, you now know what I need prayer for... I need a miracle.  Thanks for your prayers.