I was beginning to take down our Christmas tree this morning when I had a thought... "This thing sure is easier to deconstruct than it is to assemble." It takes time to put it together. Fluff the branches (yes, we have a fake tree), string the lights, space them perfectly so they're not all bunched up, hang the ornaments, wait... that's too many red ones close together, spread them out, put the important ones out front, put on the tree skirt, and lastly, put that bright star on top. It's time consuming and this is why we didn't assemble our pretty tree until about 3 weeks ago. We have to drag everything out of the garage, sort through it all, make sure the lights are in working order, discard broken ornaments (happens every year), hang everything, make it all pretty and picture perfect. Decorating for Christmas truly is a sucker of time. :)
The other day, Garrett walked through the living room while we were watching something on TV. Now when Garrett walks into a room, you usually know it by the sounds and noises he makes. The kid cracks me up. He's always singing, rapping, making weird noises or dancing while listening to his ipod. He's happy and he knows how to enjoy the little things. That's one of the things I adore about him. Very rarely is he in a really bad mood and if he is, you probably wouldn't know it unless you know him REALLY well. He's just that kind of kid. Well, this particular day, he was singing and making noises as we were "trying" to watch this program. We missed part of what was said, so I backed up the DVR (I love my DVR) and watched that section again. Right at the time the guy on TV was repeating what I had missed, Garrett let out this war cry for no particular reason. Ugh. I said "Garrett, please!!!! I am trying to hear this. Why must you constantly make noises and scream everywhere you go???" Immediate regret hit me. Seriously Misty? This kid is happy and enjoying his trip to the refrigerator and you are trying to watch a documentary that means nothing at all... and you get irritated with him?? What a jerk you are!! As the regret was sinking in, I looked at his face. He was trying to brush it off as good humor, but I could tell that my words had cut him. He gave me a half grin and said "Fine then! I'll just shut up and go to my room." Oh man. I'm such a schmuck!!! I apologized and he said it was no big deal. But it was. It was a big deal to me. I have spent years trying (and many times failing) to allow my kids the freedom to talk and be heard. I have to admit that in the last year, my attention span and memory has made it very difficult to listen and communicate and it's very frustrating to me... and, I imagine, my family. But that is absolutely NO excuse for my cutting words out of selfish frustration.
Just like assembling the tree, I have spent time and effort assembling my family and our communication skills. They're not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. My tree has never been perfect either. BUT, I took pride in the fact that my family, and my tree, had all the necessary ingredients to be beautiful and, to me, it was. Then, in one fail swoop, I have the power to deconstruct this beautiful creation with speed and ease. Yikes. All that hard work gone.
Our relationships are built, cared for, nurtured and hopefully, with love, constructed with thought and precision. They're beautiful and they're time consuming. Anything worth having takes work. Anything that is to be appreciated and admired has an "assembly" time. Be aware that the deconstruction process is fast and will sometimes catch you off guard. The key is to NEVER be off guard.
The Bible says in Proverbs 4:23 "Guard your heart above ALL else, for it determines the course of your life."
In Luke 6:45, it says "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."
Lord, help me guard my heart, my mind and my tongue. I want to be a part of the building-up process... not the deconstruction of something beautiful.
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